The Sun is Shining and We Love Each Other

This morning I woke with the most wonderful warm feeling inside me. I was thinking of my family. As I heard Troy starting to squirm in his bed and the start of his crying for mom or dad, or anyone for that matter, to hear him and help him out of his crib, I thought "I sure do love that sound in the morning." Now, this isn't usually true. Most mornings I usually feel so drained and exhausted that the thought of him waking us all at 6:00a is completely dreadful (and I must be honest.. Adam is usually the one who gets up with the boys while I catch a few more Zs), but this morning his crying was music to my ears. I walked out of the bedroom with Troy in my arms, his bottom soaking wet (yet another morning of his diaper not quite holding as much as I would like it to), and Tanner groggily following us out. Goose ran to the door and started her usual whining to be let outside. It's 6:15a and already I feel a bit overwhelmed. The house is trashed. Toys, blankets, pillows, books, movies, etc. are strung all over the living room and kitchen floor. Not to mention, I didn't do the dishes last night or pick up my mess of craft items so the kitchen table, counters and sink are a disaster as well. Most mornings, when I wake to this, I feel myself bursting with annoyance asking myself, "Why am I always the one doing the cleaning?" and "How hard is it to take out a toy and then put it away when you're done?" or even, "Am I the only one who knows where the laundry basket is located?" Not more than 3 seconds after I sat down in the recliner with Troy did Tanner ask me, "Mom, I'm hungry. Can you get me some oatmeal?" It never fails. The kids have this impecable timing. As soon as I find the moment to sit and relax they're asking something of me. It's exhausting and frustrating. However, this morning I have a totally different feeling running through me. I'm normally a very emotional person. I've always been the type to wear my emotions on my sleeve, but today it's a little to the extreme. I feel I could burst into tears at the drop of a hat. It's not a sad feeling that I have. Or an angry one. It's a feeling of complete happiness. I was looking at Tanner thinking, "This child tests me daily. He talks back, he'll be rude, he's pure drama at times, he bosses his brother, he bosses me, he loves to argue, yada yada yada." Trust me, I could go on and on. But then I was looking at him and thought, "He is me. He has so many of my traits and he's the smaller version of his father. He's the kindest person you'll ever meet, when he chooses to be. He's the best big brother (again, of course, when he wants to be); he's bound to become an instructor/teacher/professor when he's older with as much as he likes to instruct others in what is right. He is my eldest child and I love him so much." I looked at Troy and thought, "He is watching everything we do and learning from that. He looks up to his Daddy and brother and admires them so much. He loves to cuddle and blow kisses and I love that he loves food as much as I do. Sure, he can be ornery and drive me crazy (like his brother and all little kids will do at some point or another) but he's sweet and kind and has the best smile ever." I started thinking of my husband and what all he has done for me. We've been together for six years (married for four) and yes, we've had our ups and downs, but at the end of the day I don't think either one of us would have had our time together any other way. It's been because of our hardships that we've grown so close and found a deeper love for one another. Together we have made two of the most beautiful children on Earth and together we'll make two (I say three) more. At times, yes, I feel down about our situation. I wish we had our own place to call home. I never feel like there's enough money in our bank account to pay everything that needs to be paid. I feel at times that because of how Tanner and Troy act out, I'm not doing a good enough job at being a mother. I get frustrated with my own frustration and anger that I feel at some point almost on a daily basis. I wish I had this and that. I hate that I'll play the "what if" game inside my head. I don't understand, at times, why this or that isn't easier, or why it all seems so hard for me and comes so easily for others. Adam reminds me all the time that "We can't be waiting to be happy. We need to be happy with what we currently have and not be looking forward to what we'll one day have." Of course, at the time of him telling me this, I usually get totally frustrated with him and his "inspirational talks", but he's right. And I love him for this. Adam has said many times to be happy because "The sun is shining and we love each other" that's all that matters. I woke this morning looking at my messy house and my whiny kids and thought, "I love this." Plain and simple. Yes, our situation isn't ideal at times, but the sun is shining, we have two healthy children, a roof over our heads, enough food in our house to fill our bellies, enough money in the bank to get us through until next paycheck, a working phone to keep us in touch with our family who can't be closer to us, and we love each other. I couldn't ask for it any other way. So, I know this post is pretty deep and personal, but with this overwhelming feeling of happiness I'm experiencing, I had to share it. I will do my best to wake with this feeling every morning and have more patience throughout the day to be a better mother to my children and a better wife to my wonderful husband. I love them so much.